First, for those who don't know what ADHD is, I recommend following links:
ADHD Essentials
ADHD in Adults
And this video:
I choose these resources on purpose, because they inform accurately and they both provide more than the basics in case you are interested to learn more. I could probably sum it up in my words, but I choose not to, as other people already did a great job on that and I don't wanna get scientific on my blog. I just want to share my experience and I do provide the backgrounds for those who are interested.
Now, I don't know why you're reading this, but there is a good chance that you either are someone who is seeking a diagnosis or wonders if he could possibly have ADHD at all, or you know someone who you suspect to have it. Therefore I'll go straight to the point.
So I am 25 years old. Or more precisely I'm turning 25 in April. I got my ADHD diagnosis over a year ago, so at the age of 23. That is kinda late for such diagnosis, you think? Well you are right. ADHD actually should be recognised and diagnosed in the school age, in some cases even preschool age.
The thing about ADHD is, that you either have it or not, you can't get it later in life nor can you cure it or loose it. But most people who get diagnosed early, can learn enough coping methods to "grow out" of ADHD. ADHD meds can support this process strongly, so later in life most adults with ADHD just know their limits, know their weaknesses and accommodate their lifestyle and job to what they know best - for a lot of them and especially for the people around them it feels like the ADHD is gone. That's why a lot of people think that adults can't have ADHD.
I got diagnosed 3 years after I moved out of my mothers apartment. I knew I was messy and forgetful and I just assumed I'm gonna learn the skills "on the road" and that it's just part of my character.
More and more often I got in troubles, I forgot to pay a bill, lost my keys, lost my purse, my driving licence, my ID, forgot my shift at work, was always late - ALWAYS. After two years as a waitress, my boss decided to remodel the bistro I worked in and I didn't want to wait until he gets done to go back to work, so I found myself another job. A factory job. I actually liked the people and most of the work but although I learnt remarkably fast, I always made mistakes and worse - it took far too much time to notice (Ever had to peel of the labels from 5000 bottles of soda because you put them in the machine the other way around? I had.) At some point a colleague of mine asked if I had any diagnosed disorder because he just finds it unbelievable that someone apparently smart and hard working can be so forgetful, easily distractable and not notice things even when they're happening right in front of me.
I thought about it a lot and observed other people - they seem to have no problems like I did. I asked my mum and my friends to tell me if they honestly think that my behaviour was beyond normal. They all did.
I knew ADHD existed but I actually, just like many other people had small school boys in mind when I heard the term. I went to see my GP and told him I had memory and concentration problems. He sent me to a neurologist who made several tests (just machines, no interview) and obviously found nothing. When my GP told me the "good news" I almost cried. "So I am just clumsy and lazy forgetful, that's it?" I asked him. And he took some time to thing and then suggested I get checked for ADHD. He explained what it was (I still remember there was a helicopter outside, while he talked, so I missed half of what he said.) It took a while to get an appointment with psychiatrist who specialised on diagnosing adults). When I met him, I really tried to look normal but I played with my scarf all the time, I ripped several post-its in thiny pieces and forgotten my bullet journal in his office, so I guess diagnosing me after that was not very difficult. He asked me a lot of question beginning with my birth, my childhood, school, friends, addictions, how I react to alcohol, weed and pain killers... After I think two appointments I had my diagnose - Adult ADHD, dysgraphia, dyspraxia and suspected giftedness. I got meds and started to read and learn about this old-new monster I've been living with all my life. - TO BE CONTINUED
So I stop here, because other aspects of medication, diagnosis and therapy are just too much for one post.
Now why nobody noticed earlier? I was asking myself this question many times since then, My mum too. I think she might have felt a bit bad about it - obviously she should have recognise it.
But I was never a troublemaker - I had exceptionally good notes at school, never had to learn at home and did a lot of extra projects, took part in competitions and had numerous hobbies, everywhere (except for sport) I was over the average and I tried hard.
I was clumsy, yes - the only teacher who ever complained about me was the sports teacher. Most kids with ADHD are actually rather sporty - or at least that's what you usually hear. I was as well never one of those kids who run around and their parents live in constant fear of what happens this time. No I was the kind of child you sit somewhere, equip it with some pencils and paper or books and you find it there several hours later. I was messy, disorganised, slow and always late for everything, lost whatever I could loose and forgot everything that I didn't find interesting. But most teachers liked me, because I knew everything and was always eager to do some more work, so they just looked away when I spend whole classes reading under the desk or drawing or when I handed out another homework that "I'm sorry, my mum forgot to sign it" written in still wet ink, as I had no idea there was a homework just 15 minutes ago.
I think that the label "peculiar but very smart" just left me unpunished for a lot of things, other kids would have been punished for. And it kept me far away from any diagnosis. It was OK to be peculiar or special as my notes were good and I wasn't doing anything particularly bad.
And with the years I became great at making up excuses and changing the topic or using humour to get out of uncomfortable conversations and embarrassing situations. I was mostly nice and smiled all the time so people just kind of could not accuse me of having any disorder.
I think this is one of the typical reasons why women and girls get diagnosed so rarely. We are great at masking. We observe what other people expect or want us to do or say and we do. We see what works well for other people to avoid troubles and punishments and we learn that.
Second thing is that girls tend to be hyperactive in a different way. Lot of girls actually just have ADD, without hyperactivity. I am hyperactive, but not like boys tend to be. I just need to occupy my mind or hands or both. My mind would always run "full power" but it is invisible to everyone else. As there are a lot of myths and stereotypes around ADHD, people would mostly seek for the known symptoms and only do something about it when it bothers them. Girls with ADHD usually aren't loud and all over the place and don't break anything they touch, so the people around them are less likely to take a closer look. That's how I explain that.
So that's all. If you found it helpful or have story to share - I would be pleased to hear from you in the comments.
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